A therapist (we’ll call her Lucretia) who uses her empathic skills a lot in her work complains of being tired all of the time. She says, “The world wears me down.”
She notes her existential dilemma—feeling she doesn’t always fit in the world, not feeling understood, questioning if this work is right for her. Yet Lucretia knows others see her as helpful, and she knows that she is skilled as a therapist.
She says she is tired of trying to be helpful all of the time. She doesn’t always enjoy being so empathic. It’s draining to feel, Feel, FEEL! She notes that feels she suffers from what she calls, “empathic depletion.”
Lucretia knows what works for her—take time off, get massages, do restorative yoga. She says, “That stuff works!”
But here’s the two-part dilemma:
She’s so tired that she just wants to be by herself, but…
She also longs for meaningful connection.
And taking time off, scheduling (!) massages, etc.—seems simple until it is another thing to squeeze in.
Does this sound and feel familiar to you?
What brings you back up from your going-going…down the drain?
Here’s what I think…
We all KNOW we should take more time off, set better limits, have more meaningful personal engagement…do that restorative stuff.
And we often don’t do it.
Excuses abound!
So what if…
You start really small!
You set an alarm and go to bed 15 minutes, 30 minutes earlier?
Screens off. Lights off.
Just like when parents INSISTED: BED. NOW.
You use some client’s last minute cancellation not to catch up but to either lie down for a nap…
Or you actually get out of your office and go for a walk! Outside! Even for five or 15 minutes!
And maybe you start a practice of taking a single hour in the week when something regular at work is NOT happening to have TREATS-FOR-YOU time.
For me, rest comes first. It may or may not be that way for you.
But still, there is the need for meaningful connection…of a personal kind!
My fairly easy favorites?
Scheduling a WAT (Walk and Talk) with a colleague or friend. We can talk about our work some but also our lives AND get some exercise in.
If I can’t get together in person, I can schedule a lunch/dinner/tea with someone whose meaningful conversation I long for…by video. The video part becomes more “normal” the more you do it. And it’s great when those special people don’t live nearby.
At our house, we “Zoom” in for dinners with the dear friends back in our former hometown. We share the “menu” at our respective “cafes,” and talk for several hours, just like we did when we were all at one table.
Could work just as well across town—and avoid traffic!
And a bit more involved, but well worth it—inviting a few others to have a monthly get-together to just have REAL conversation among equals.
I’m still working on this one in my new hometown, but the small groups I was in back in DC were life-blood to me.
What I find is that when I have quality play/exercise/sleep/connection with others, I enjoy more…
- Energy
- Resilience
- And the people in my life!
What about you?
How are you doing with having enough R&R as well as meaningful connection so that your skills and joy in being an empath are strong and vibrant?
Please share your tips too!
P.S.
Better boundaries sure help with this. Get on my mailing list so that you know when we are ready to engage in the course to Build Better Boundaries.
Also, when you sign up, I will send you the first exercises that help you turn down the overwhelm and be better at being here now—and a free eBook that explains the “why” of “what” you are doing. You can sign up here!
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