If You Suffer From High Sensitivity to Perceived Disapproval…
When you have hyper-sensitivity to what’s coming from other folks, it can sure activate a lot of turmoil in your system. And…
While we will seriously work on this later on, this is a rather funny story about an important lesson that this individual and I have used with good humor for her to develop better boundaries with others’ reactions.
Years ago in my therapy practice I was in session with this client. She has a substantial trauma history, so her empathic perception was on high alert from infancy for the earliest vibrations of danger. That meant that we had been through many interactions in which she feared I was going to turn on her, be furious, or turn into another clinician who would find this woman too difficult and kick her out of therapy.
That also meant that we had had many opportunities in which we could turn what she feared would be a substantial rupture in our therapy relationship into the kind of repair that creates relationship security and resiliency (aka “earned secure attachment” if you like the official lingo).
She had brought her partner in that session for some issue that was arising in their relationship, and we were in the thick of that conversation. I knew my client was always checking me out—is the Adult-in-Charge here still safe and on my side??
Suddenly, she stopped, looking at me, very concerned. She could see something in my face. She wanted to know what she had done that I thought was so bad, so wrong.
Not being proficient at blank-slate therapist, I answered exactly what was going on, saying…
“If you really must know…
I am having a hot flash.”
We have laughed and laughed over the years about what a lesson was for that individual. She was indeed OK. I was the one with the problem.
So do remember, even as an empath. Perhaps as a trauma survivor who needed to suss out blame and danger coming their way… For anyone who tends to take on another’s “stuff” as being personal to them…
Sometimes it’s really good news that what you are perceiving…
Is not at all about you!
P.S. Have you gotten the FREE meditations and PDF explaining why you are doing what you are doing? If not, click here:
This will also alert you as soon as my first Build Better Boundaries course goes live. I promise you LOTS of INPUT, HIGHLY INTERACTIVE, and PRACTICE, PRACTICE so that you emerge with vibrant, healthy boundaries! You Resilient Empath you!
