An empath I know, let’s call her Imani, was at a laundromat doing the big washing of her pillows and blankets. You know how that requires some waiting time—all of those cycles running their course. You’re up and down, but there is a lot of sitting to be done too.
A man came up to her and struck up a conversation. This person—let’s call him Leech—seemed nice enough, but he kept talking and talking and talking. Imani would get up to shift a load from washer to dryer, and Leech kept following her, keeping up the stream of chatter. She would go to the restroom, but as soon as she came out, there he was chattering away again.
Imani was getting frustrated. She wanted her quiet time (such as you get amid the roar of washers and dryers) to read, think, and write. While she didn’t want to be rude, she could sense that this man was lonely, harmless, and a bit pushy. And definitely socially clueless.
She found herself feeling stuck with him…and feeling more and more burned by his clinginess.
After an ETERNITY, when her laundry was done, she even had to energetically peel his chatter off of her so that she could leave.
Once out of that laundromat, Imani felt angry at him and angry at herself. While she said she knows to monitor for what is often referred to as “energy vampirism,” she felt the dilemma of wanting to be sensitive to one in pain and wanting to get him out of her space and time.
Healthy boundaries require US to set the limits. We cannot depend on others to do that.
However, Imani was concerned when someone else told her that she needed to learn to tell someone to F#%* Off! Gotta be a kinder way!
Here’s what we came up with—see how this feels for you:
Yes, sometimes compassion—and a little personal sacrifice—comes first. There are some very lonely, hurting people who don’t have a lot of the resources (internal and material) that we might have.
However, you can still stop the conversation politely and FIRMLY, and do it while energetically sending LovingKindness to the wounded soul.
And just like with forest fires, REMEMBER…Only YOU can prevent forest fires at your boundaries burning up your whole day!
P.S. Boundaries are such a big topic for Empaths that I am offering a course, Build Better Boundaries, so that you can develop healthy boundaries for yourself. Important, don’t you think?
If you haven’t already, go to https://www.drbeckycarroll.com/empathic-resilience-meditations/ so that you can get started in turning down the Empathic Distress NOW and be alerted as soon as Build Better Boundaries goes live! The cleaner our own boundaries, the more we can actually help others!
